Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
