And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
