I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
My life is pants optional.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
