I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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