He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
