So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
