Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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