Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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