How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
