I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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