Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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