I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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