Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
