I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
