Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
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