Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
