i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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