i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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