sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
