he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
