Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
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