Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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