Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
