I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
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