You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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