We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
