I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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