if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I have feelings that need drinking.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
