its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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