Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Randomize
