we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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