I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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