Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
