he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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