she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
