ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
