i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
