The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
