The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
