And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
