Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
