in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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