Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
