I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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