He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
