Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
