turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
