He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize