So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
