he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Congratulations! We have a period
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